living out a verse

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned what it is to be content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. Phil. 4:11-13

Being a college student, I know what it is to be "broke." I've gone almost completely broke many times in my college career. Actually, I never really looked at it as having money even when I did-because the money I did have was always borrowed money-or grants. I've always considered myself at heart in the "red. "

Don't get me wrong. I have had jobs as well. But, never anything incredibly lucrative, or that wasn't temporary. But, I always looked forward to that one glorious day when I could be done with school-so I could actually start earning a "good paycheck." So I could start paying back loans, and being self reliant and self sufficient. In terms of ambitions, that was all I really aspired to financially. To me, it is more important to have a job you love. I aspired to that as well.

Right now, I neither have a job I love nor am I making that much coveted "good paycheck." Its a blow really: to graduate and move back in with your parents. Its hard on the self esteem, the patience, heck its hard on pretty much everything. Obviously, this is not how I imagined my life would be at this point. I tell myself, this is just for a couple of months. Then I will be leaving the state-or then I will have such and such job and I will move out. But not even that is secure. And, I know the problem of making plans. We make them, God laughs.

My whole life right now is uncertainty. More than the waiting for something great to come along-its the uncertainty of whether or not something will that bothers me. Ive had many "waiting" periods in my life. But, I was always able to survive them because I had the certainty that something better awaited me. Now though, everything is up in the air.

Yet, I believe strongly that God has something for me. And even if He doesn't, even if things don't work out according to my plan-I believe that He is good and His plan is perfect.

More than that though-I am learning to be content in my present circumstances. I am grateful to God for giving me at least a part time job that seems like it will be a good one- for the moment. I am thankful for the challenge and distraction of a new job, and new environment. I am thankful that there is a possibility I could get a second job as well. I am thankful for my family, and my present situation. And I mean that earnestly. And that comes from the heart. A couple of days ago I was so frustrated I wanted to pull my hair out. But, God's grace is sufficient for us, and when I needed it most He has supplied it.

God grant me ever more peace, strength, and faith as I navigate this special time in my life, that you have ordained.